A Spec in Time.
It is one hell of a moment,
When you realize that you no longer care.
About what anyone thinks about you.
Says about you; or
Knows about you.
When you are dead,
Does any of that really matter.
Really.
The Earth continues to spin,
As it has for millennia.
We are but a spec in time. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Make the Suffering Go On
I welcome death,
But it does not come.
I yearn to end,
But I continue.
It is apparently my fate,
To continue in pain.
Why allow any refuge,
Make the suffering go on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Darkness
I seek darkness.
Not the darkness of evil,
But the darkness of solitude.
The darkness of tranquillity,
Of peace of mind,
The darkness of self-acceptance,
That my time has come.
I have not gone without a fight,
But that fight has been long and painful.
I am tired of being in pain,
I seek the darkness for relief.
I seek darkness.
Not the darkness of destitution,
But the darkness of restitution.
The darkness of silence,
Of being alone with a clear mind.
The darkness of self-acceptance,
That my sense of self-purpose is gone.
The World does not yet accept this logic,
But our HUMANITY has some compassionate evolving left to do.
I am tired of being in pain,
I seek the darkness for relief.
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I ended my previous post, with being thrown into the deep end of new career learning curve.
I had just completed my Military Intelligence Officer's training. It was a difficult adjustment going from being a Non-Commissioned Member for 17 years, then Commission as an Officer.
This is where I left you on my previous posts. I had Commissioned From the Ranks (CFR) in September, 1998;I had completed my Basic Officer Training in December, 1998;I had completed my Basic Intelligence Officers Course (BIOC), in June, 1999;I had assumed the position of Canadian Military Strategic Intelligence Analyst, South Asia, J2 SRA, 7-3, August 1999-2001;
Upon reporting into the Acting Officer in Charge of J2 Strategic & Regional Assessments (J2 SRA) (the OIC was still on medical leave from his heart attack), I was informed that in addition to my analytical responsibilities of South Asia, I would also be temporarily responsible for all of Asia, from a Military Chain-of-Command/ Section Administration perspective. This also included A Warrant Officer, who was the Intelligence Analyst responsible for the Korea’s, and a Sergeant, who also just arrived was responsible for Southeast Asia. The Section Head was a Major, and he was responsible for China analytically. He unfortunately was one of the 4 Officers who had a heart attack.
On a bureaucratically comical level, I was greeted to the Section by being introduced to my empty cubicle, and to the Man that has remained one of my best friends, to this day. I am guessing that he overheard my somewhat loud unhappiness, as he introduced himself as Lieutenant (N) Norm Everett and offered to assist me in retrieving a desk from the deep within the bowels of Storage at National Defense Headquarters (NDHQ). Norm was one of the Africa Section Analysts and sat in the cubicle across the Line of Doom from me. We could and did, push our chairs out from our desks to see each other as we chatted across the line. We regularly spent our lunch walking and talking along the Rideau Canal, solving Canadian, Canadian Military and Canadian Military Intelligence, problems. My poem “Navy Wanker”, was written for Norm.
I had most certainly begun my career as a Military Intelligence Officer in an unusual way. With my last post, I left off with the realization that I was in over my head, because things became even busier. With just two months in my new position, East Timor (Timore Leste) decided that it wanted to separate from Indonesia. Indonesia thought otherwise and sent in their Army to resolve the issue. The death toll inflicted by the Indonesian Army, and their proxy anti-separation Militia Groups, led Australia to directly intervene.
The International Force in East Timor (INTERFET) was created, and Canada agreed to provide support, in the form of a Supply Ship, HMCS Protecteur, 2 x C130 Hercules Aircraft and their Support Personnel; and B Company, 3rd Battalion, Royal 22e Régiment (3 R22eR). As the Military Strategic Intelligence Analyst for the Region/and Acting Asia Section Head, I was tasked with creating an Intelligence Response Team to support Deputy Chief of Defense Staff (DCDS) requirements. The East Timor Intelligence Response Team (ET IRT) was created, and I was assigned as the Officer-In-Charge (OIC). Within the first weeks of the creating the IRT, I was sent as part of the Strategic Reconnaissance Team to prepare the area for the deployment of Canadian Armed Forces Personnel and Assets. Upon my return, I immediately went into a 24/7 On-Call mode, a 10–12-hour week-day, and a 4-12 hour weekend-day. I provided a daily Intelligence Briefing to the DCDS, Lieutenant-General R.R. Henault, who went on to be the Chief of Defence Staff (CDS) and the Senior Staff of the DCDS Headquarters. The Senior Staff included Colonel Walt Natynczyk as the Chief of Staff. Colonel Natynczyk went on to be the CDS from 2008 – 2012.
It was a very hectic start to my Career as a Military Intelligence Officer.
After the ET IRT was closed down in March of 2000, I returned to only being responsible for South Asia, as the Major had returned. My Strategic Analyst days were short-live though, as I was sent on my B Level French Language Training, which was mandatory as part of my Commissioning From the Ranks agreement. My immense dislike of the successful takeover of the Federal Government by the minority Francophone population greatly increased at the end of my French Language Course. At the end of our 10 month long French Course, we the students conducted practice interviews with previous French Language Test Facilitators. Having conducted two separate tests, scored by two separate facilitators. I was told that I had my B no problem.
Second Language proficiencies within the Federal Public Service are scored as:
A – Beginner, B – Intermediate, C – Advanced
Second Language categories are laid out as:
Reading, Writing, and Speaking. Their were two (2) Level B courses and one (1) Level C course. That year saw a success rate of only 40%.Previous years had seen 80% success rates. Unfortunately, I did not receive a B. My personal score was CBA. After our class results were provided, I went to the chalk board and wrote: Reasons for Failure: Bad Curriculum. The same Curriculum as the previous years; Bad Teachers. Same Teachers as last year; Bad Students: Possible, however each Student had met all previous Student Requirements, and all Students had completed and passed all tests and interviews, leading up to the Final; or Bad Test/Interview. I think I have made my point.
It was my belief at the time, as it is now, that the Final Tests were scored in a harder manner because to many Anglophones were attaining their levels. Five (5) years later, I would experience a similar issue after renewing my expiring Second Language Levels. I will not get into that here, as that will come up again in five (5) years.
Following my French Language Training, I was posted to the Canadian Forces Joint Imagery Centre (CFJIC), as the Military Attaché Training Officer. Responsible for providing Photography, Safety and Security Training to Military Attaches, the Attaché Assistants, and their respective spouses.
At that time, each year the Canadian Forces Defense Attaché Training Program, part of the Directorate of Foreign Liaison (DPFL) would gather once a year in each Geographical Region and provide briefings to the Defense Attaché Personnel within that Region, regarding updates to Administrative Procedures within the Program, as well as any updates or changes to Canadian Forces Orders or Policies. The location of the briefing location within each Region would change on a yearly basis. Being responsible for the Safety and Security Training, I would attend the briefings to provide an update to any changes to the Safety and Security Training, but I also went over with the intent of seeing what needed improving, did they get the training they needed?
My first time in the Company of the Director General Intelligence (DG Int) Brigadier-General R.G. Meating was in Bangkok, Thailand, at the Canadian Embassy in 2002. I provided a briefing on the current status of the Photography, Safety and Security Training, provided by the CFJIC, a Unit under the Command of DG Int. My briefing was the last of the day. So, DG Int and I shared a taxi ride back to our Hotel in Bangkok. On the ride back, Brigadier-General Meating indicated that he wanted me to provide that same briefing to DCDS, Lieutenant-General G. Macdonald, upon our return to Canada. My response of course was, “yes Sir, what is your preferred time frame.”
Also, during that ride, BGen Meating mentioned that after changing out of Uniform, he was going to get measured for suites and asked me to join him. BGen Meating also jokingly mentioned that he could not find the Song “One Night in Bangkok”, anywhere here in Bangkok. I remembered that and addressed that issue later at my briefing to DCDS.
I was very glad that I agreed to accompany DG Int, because I was able to be measured for three (3) suites of my style and colour choice, plus five (5) Shirts that went with all three (3) Suites, and five (5) Silk Ties; for $500 CAD. The order would be ready in two (2) days for initial fitting, then it will be ready the next day for final fitting and paying. I still have that order to this day. On the day of Suite pickup, DG Int was in a Taxi for the ride back to the Hotel with my former Supervisor at J2 SRA, he was still the Head of the Asia Section. After getting out of the Taxi ahead of BGen Meating, I was able to hear DG Int yell in pain. I approached his Taxi and asked if he was alright. To my surprise, while holding his sore hand, he said “That fat bastard shut the door on my hand”, pointing to my former supervisor. I was somewhat shocked to hear him speak this way, and it helped me understand why I liked and respected this DG Int.
Upon our return to Canada, I found a Compact Disk (CD) with a mix of songs, which contained the Song, “One Night in Bangkok”, by Murray Head. I dropped it off at DG Int’s desk, while he was out. Following my briefing to DCDS, I shared an elevator with DG Int. After the elevator door shut, BGen Meating thank me for the CD, then bag tagged me (that is where someone hits you in your genitals). BGen Meating was the type of man who joked with you if he liked you, but stone-faced professional if he did not like you. So here I am bent over, holding my parts, and the elevator stops and waiting to get in the elevator, is the Chief of Defence Staff, General R.R. Henault. Having briefed General Henault daily during Canada’s Military deployment to East Timor, he was familiar with me. He was also very familiar with BGen Meating. He looked at me, bent over holding my privates, looks at BGen Meating, looks back at me and said, “Captain Hardy, you have my permission to hit him back”. He entered the elevator chuckling and shaking his head at DG Int, who just smiled back.
In 2003, I was posted to CFS Leitrim as part of the Canadian Forces Signals Intelligence Operations Centre (CFSOC). CFS Leitrim, located just south of Ottawa, is Canada's oldest operational Signal Intelligence collection station. Established by the Royal Canadian Corps of Signals in 1941 as I Special Wireless Station and renamed Ottawa Wireless Station in 1949, CFS Leitrim acquired its current name when the Supplementary Radio System was created in 1966.
CFS Leitrim provides technical and logistical support to the following units located on the Station:
· Canadian Forces Information Operations Group Headquarters (CFIOGHQ)
· Canadian Forces Network Operation Centre (CFNOC)
· Canadian Forces Signals Intelligence Operations Centre (CFSOC)
· Joint Information and Intelligence Fusion Centre (JIIFC) Detachment
New Responsibilities: Officer-in-Charge, East Timor Intelligence Response Team (OIC ET IRT), September 1999 – March 2000;Canadian Forces Joint Imagery Centre (CJFIC), Canadian Military Attaché Training Officer, 2002-2004;
This is where I end this post.
As noted before, I did not place my name and date of completion with my earlier poems. However, all of the poems from my book are copyright protected.
